


Belonging

by Boofles



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Hospitalization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 18:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15153176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boofles/pseuds/Boofles
Summary: Ohno worries that he is not good enough to be part of Arashi.





	Belonging

Three weeks ago.  
Ohno was worrying. Worrying about not being good enough to belong in Arashi, about not being good enough to choreograph them like he wanted. The routine for their next concert tour was not flowing and he was getting frustrated and worried with himself.  
He had been trying to get the steps right for several hours and he still wasn’t happy.  
He crouched in front of the mirror in the dance studio with his head in his hands exhausted and ready to give up. He heard a voice in the corridor outside. It was his manager. He took a quick look out the door. She was on the phone. His manager was fairly new and he still wasn’t comfortable with her – she was very efficient but brusque and he got the feeling she didn’t like him and to be honest he was a little afraid of her. He moved towards his bag and started getting ready to leave. She was probably looking for him to remind him of tomorrows schedule and it wouldn’t do to keep her waiting – he would just get another lecture.  
He switched off the lights in the studio and opened the door. His manager had moved down the corridor and was standing near the water cooler with her back to him still talking on the phone.  
“………had enough of his fat face and spaced out look. I asked Johnny-san to get rid of him, he’s no longer pulling his weight and Johnny-san said he’d think about it. I have to give a report in one month.” She moved round the corner and the rest of the call was lost.  
Ohno stood rooted to the spot.  
‘Fat face, spaced out look, not pulling his weight’  
She could only be talking about him – let’s face it, everyone teased him about spacing out and much as Nino said he loved his chubby cheeks it wasn’t a good look as he got older.  
Obviously the things he had been thinking recently about himself were true.  
He didn’t know what to do. Almost on autopilot he walked back to the changing room lost in thought.  
“What’s wrong Oh-chan? You’re spacing out again!” Nino said when he walked into the showers and just stood in front of the mirror staring at himself but not seeing anything.  
“Hmmm? Oh nothing……..Just thinking about something.”  
“Well don’t think too hard – it will give you wrinkles old man!” Nino laughed as he walked out.  
‘Old man, fat and useless’ That’s obviously what everyone thought of him. Ohno looked at himself more closely…..  
OK, he had a month – no more spacing out. He’d show everyone he wasn’t useless, that he could contribute to Arashi. He could lose a few pounds and get fitter as well. He knew he wasn’t really good enough to be part of Arashi but he loved the group and didn’t want to leave so he’d try his best to live up to the others.  
Mind made up he quickly undressed and showered, vowing to spend the next month working on getting thinner, fitter and worthy enough to belong to Arashi.

 

Nino slumped in the sofa and picked up his DS. It was going to be one of those days.  
Ohno was late and everyone was stressed – they had a busy day and timing was everything.  
The man in question walked in, pale and with bags under his eyes.  
“You’re late…..there is a makeup girl on the warpath looking for you and a wardrobe girl not much far behind”  
“Sorry” Ohno muttered “I was in the gym – I must have lost track of the time”  
“The gym – what the hell!? Looks like you were there all night!”  
Ohno didn’t get a chance to reply as the door flew open and his manager appeared with a worried looking makeup girl in tow.  
“There you are Ohno-san – you’re late! Please go with Izumi-san immediately – we are on a very tight schedule and you are holding everything up!”  
“Sorry, sorry, sorry” Ohno said as he was pulled from the room.  
Jun and Sho walked in shortly after, followed by Aiba.  
“Where’s leader?” asked Jun sitting in a chair.  
“Make up and wardrobe” Nino answered. The others were all ready for the shoot.  
Their group manager came in.  
“Sorry, Arashi-san, we need to change plans slightly. There is a problem in wardrobe so you will be doing your individual shots first then the group shots after the interviews. Nino-san could we have you first please?”

Nino, Sho and Aiba had all finished their photo sessions when Nino realised that Ohno had not been back to the green room. He wondered where he was but forgot quickly as he was still trying to battle his way through a particularly difficult level in his game (3 days, 3 days!!! And he still hadn’t managed to conquer the demon dwarf!)  
Jun came in. “Ohno is doing his shoot now, they’ll call us when they want us for the group shoot.”  
“Damn and Blast!” Nino exploded “Low battery!” Nino rummaged in his bag. Where was his charger?  
Not finding it and realising he had left it at home he threw his DS into his bag and stood up and made for the door.  
He headed to the vending machine, hoping to catch Ohno coming back from his photoshoot and persuading him into treating him to something to drink. He stopped when he saw the makeup girl that dragged Ohno away earlier talking to one of the wardrobe girls. They both looked worried.  
“Do you really think that Ohno-san is ill?” the wardrobe girl was saying. Nino moved back so he wouldn’t be seen. Oh-chan ill?  
“I don’t know Mei. He was really pale this morning – he never needs that much makeup and you said yourself how you struggled to find him something to wear he was so thin” Izumi answered. “No one else has said anything but they must have noticed” The two women moved away.  
‘Oh-chan ill? Pale? Thin? Hold on he said he had been in the gym this morning but that must have been wrong. He couldn’t be ill and going to the gym’  
Nino made his way back to the green room just as they were called for their group shots.  
Posing for the cameras, Nino tried to take surreptitious glances at Ohno. Was he paler? Thinner? The bags under his eyes were well disguised but definitely there. His cheekbones were more defined as well. Nino moved closer, putting his arms around Ohno’s waist to try and feel how thin the older man was but just as he was putting his hands on him the other man moved away. It was subtle but it definitely felt like Ohno was avoiding being touched by him, or anyone else for that matter as he saw a similar thing happen when Sho tried to put his hands on Ohno’s shoulders. Something was not right. Ohno’s avoidance carried on throughout the shoot but it was so subtle that he was sure that no one else had noticed.  
“And cut! Thank you for your hard work today” The photographer called.  
“Finally” Jun muttered as they all bowed and moved out of the studio.  
“OK Lunch everyone, You have half an hour then we will start filming for VS Arashi in studio 2” they were told by their manager.  
“Lunch Oh-chan?”  
“Oh sorry Nino, I have to go sort something out. I’ll be there in a while” Ohno said, quickly grabbing his bag and disappearing.  
The more Nino thought about it, the more he realised how little he had seen of the older man recently. Oh sure, he was there for the photoshoots, the interviews etc but actually hanging out in their green room, no. It was Jun or Sho he cuddled up to when playing his DS or Aiba he joked around with.  
“Hey guys, have any of you noticed something up with Leader?” He asked as they sat and ate lunch.  
Jun frowned “Not really. He’s been busy with stuff but……Why do you ask?”  
“Oh, no reason really” Nino shrugged. “I just hadn’t seen him around in here much recently, you know how he likes to sleep on the sofa in here.  
Ohno had not come back when they were called for filming but when they got to the set Ohno was already there changed and waiting for them.  
Nino looked at him eyebrows raised.  
“To make up for being late this morning“ Ohno said with a small smile.  
He still looked very pale.

Everything was going fine until the third game. Nino and Ohno were doing the Cliff Climb with Aiba and their guest throwing the grips.  
Nino was first and did a pretty good job of scoring points and dropped down to tag Ohno with a decent amount of time remaining.  
Ohno started his climb and when nearly at the top called for a grip. Aiba swung the bag but Ohno missed. There were groans all round. Aiba swung again which Ohno caught but precious seconds were lost.  
Ohno pulled himself across the cliff to reach the last point button and then hawled himself up and over the top to press the completed button within the time. A cheer went up – they’d managed a perfect score!  
Ohno threw himself back over the cliff and was lowered to the ground.  
Nino ran over to him as he struggled to get out of his harness.  
“Here, let me help you Oh-chan” Nino said seeing the other mans hands shaking while trying to undo the buckle.  
“Kazu……” Ohno’s voice was very weak. Nino looked up. Ohno was looking odd.  
“Oh-chan, are you OK?” then “Ohno!” as the man collapsed unconscious at his feet!

There was a moment when everyone thought that Ohno was playing around, a few laughs from the others, then shocked silence as they realised he wasn’t acting.  
“Ohno-San! Can you hear me? Are you OK?”  
Nino knelt and shook the unconscious man. Sho ran over as the staff hurried around confused and not sure what to do. The audience starting to whisper and mutter.  
“Quick Nino, let’s get him to the green room”  
Nino and Sho went to pick up the still unconscious Ohno and exchanged shocked glances when they realised how light he was. They carried him away from the audience and cameras and once in their dressing room laid him on one of the sofas.  
Their manager and the director burst in followed by several staff members. Ohno was starting to stir.  
Sho turned to them “Please just give him space – where are Aiba and Jun?”  
“They are speaking to the audience, reassuring them that Ohno-san is alright. Do you want me to call an ambulance?”  
Nino and Sho exchanged a look “No, I don’t think so” Nino spoke “Let’s wait for Oh-chan to come round properly first. Let’s just give him some air for the moment”  
Everyone moved out of the room. Nino knelt beside the sofa. He picked up Ohno’s hand – it was freezing. He began to rub it. Ohno was never cold, he radiated warmth like a mini sun. Ohno started to open his eyes and began to try to sit up.  
“Hey, don’t move, it’s OK” Nino said softly pushing him back down onto the sofa “You fainted, but you’ll be fine, just rest OK”  
Ohno struggled against him “No, no I’m OK. Please let me up”  
Jun and Aiba rushed in  
“We’ve cancelled the rest of the filming” Jun said  
“NO!” Ohno shouted.  
Everyone looked at him shocked. “Honestly I’m fine” he said “I can carry on, please let me carry on”  
The others exchanged concerned glances, especially Nino and Sho. They had seen how long the older man had been unconscious for, felt how light he was, Nino for one was sure that there was something wrong.  
“I don’t think it’s a good idea Ohno-kun” Sho started to say but Ohno interrupted.  
“Look, it’s my own fault, I got caught up in what I was doing, I didn’t have any lunch, I overdid it on the cliff climb. Honestly I’m OK now I can carry on if I have a drink. I don’t need to do much in the rest of the games. Please let’s finish the filming. I don’t want to disappoint the fans that came to see us. Please?”  
“Well ……. If you are sure and if you promise to take it easy then go home and eat properly and rest”  
“I promise Sho-kun.”

The five of them walked back to the studio. Ohno still seemed a bit shaky. Nino put his arm round the older man’s waist to support him.  
“I’m fine Nino, don’t worry” he murmered moving away but Nino only frowned and held on tighter.  
“I’m worried about you. “ he said.  
“Don’t be.”  
Ohno moved to the front and bowed low to the audience.  
“I’m deeply sorry for worrying you” he said “Please accept my apologies. We will carry on filming now if it pleases you”

 

Over the next week or so Nino watched Ohno closely. He watched him arrive just short of being late, looking exhausted like he had already done a days work, flopping down on a chair and putting his head on the table. He watched as he would jump up barely 5 minutes later when his phone would beep and say he had forgotten something and run out of the room. He saw him picking at his bento, hardly eating anything muttering about not being hungry if Nino or anyone mentioned how little he was eating.  
The others had all noticed his strange behaviour and they all tried to find out what was wrong, Nino and Sho especially but he would just insist he was fine and for them to stop worrying about him. He’d even shouted at Sho when the man had insisted that he sat and ate something after a particularly busy morning and told him to leave him alone. After that he had avoided spending any time in the green room, hiding himself away and hardly speaking to the others.  
After one particularly difficult day when Nino had watched Ohno hardly eat anything but rush around barely stopping to breathe he decided enough was enough. He was going to find out what was wrong with Leader once and for all.  
He finally tracked Ohno down to one of the dance studios. Ohno’s manager was just leaving the room.  
Nino carefully opened the door. Ohno was dancing, eyes shut and moving to whatever song was playing through his earphones. Nino didn’t recognise the choreography but Nino loved to watch Ohno dance, his movements were always so fluid, so natural it was mesmorizing. He was dripping with sweat – it looked like Ohno had been dancing hard for quite a while.  
Ohno was not happy. He kept repeating the same dance steps over and over again never satisfied. He had been dancing like this for two hours straight before his manager had interrupted him. He was getting to the point where he could barely stand up but was forcing himself to keep on going. In his head he could not see how good he was, the words of his manager going over and over in his mind “Not pulling his weight, Not good enough”  
Nino watched as he stopped in front of the mirror. He stood there with such pain and despair on his face that it broke the younger man’s heart.  
Nino opened the door fully and walked up to the older man.  
“Oh-chan, Satoshi….Please tell me what’s wrong” he whispered softly.  
Ohno jumped “I’m fine Nino. There’s nothing wrong. Please leave me alone”  
“No Oh-chan. I won’t. Something is worrying you, upsetting you and I want to help. Please let me help”  
“You can’t. You can’t help. Please just forget it. Go away, you wouldn’t understand.”  
Nino started to get angry.  
“What do you mean I wouldn’t understand? Tell me…. I can understand anything but what’s happening now! You aren’t eating, you’ve lost so much weight you’re barely more than a skeleton. You hardly spend any time with us and if we ask you if you are OK you snap at us. What the hell is the matter?”  
Nino pulled the older man round to face him. Ohno was pale, paler than Nino had ever seen him.  
“Go away Nino!” He spat. “Go away and leave me alone!”  
Ohno began to pull away from Nino moving towards his bag then began to stumble. His heart seemed to beating out of his chest and there was a rushing noise in his ears. His vision went white and he fell to the floor.  
Nino stared, frozen to the spot as Ohno went rigid then began to shake as convulsions wracked his body.  
Nino ran to the door and wrenched it open  
“Help! Somebody help me!!”

 

They wouldn’t let him go with Ohno in the ambulance.  
Sho drove him along with Aiba and Jun to the hospital.  
They sat in a side room for what seemed like hours until Ohno’s mother entered the room.  
“The doctors want to speak to me” she said “I’d like one of you to come too. Please? You are his closest friends I want you to hear this as well.”  
Sho went with her and the other two sat beside Nino and held his hands.  
“He’ll be OK” Aiba was saying “He’s strong. He’ll be fine. It’s not your fault”  
Nino just stared into space reliving the scene in the dance studio, wondering if he hadn’t shouted at Ohno it wouldn’t have happened. If he had said something earlier Ohno wouldn’t have got so ill.  
Sho came back into the room. His face was grim.  
“The convulsions were caused by severe dehydration and weight loss. The reason for the weight loss in unclear but he is too distressed tonight for them to do any tests. He’s refusing to be treated and keeps trying to pull his IV out and leave. They are going to try and sedate him”  
“Can we see him?” Jun asked before Nino had a chance to speak.  
“Not at the moment, maybe later if they can calm him. His mother is trying to speak with him now to try and get him to stop fighting the doctors and get help”  
After a while Ohno’s mother appeared at the door. Jun guided her to a seat. She looked tired and worried.  
“They’ve sedated him. He’s sleeping, too weak and exhausted to fight any more.” She said. “He’s so thin! He hasn’t visited for a while saying he was busy at work but I think he was hiding this from me”  
“He’s been hiding this from all of us, but don’t worry, as soon as the doctors find out what’s wrong, they’ll sort him out.” Sho knelt in front of Ohno’s mother. “I’m sorry we haven’t taken proper care of your son Ohno-kaa san”  
“Oh honey, it’s not your fault, none of you! We’ll get him better then I’ll box his ears for worrying us all! Now, have you boys eaten? You should get home and rest or you’ll be ill too”  
Nino stood up. “Would it be OK just to go say Hi to him do you think?” His voice seemed small and afraid.  
“Of course Kazunari-kun. Just a few minutes, then you all get home and rest. Although he might not realise you are there, the doctors gave him a pretty big dose of medicine to calm him.”  
The four of them stood outside Ohno’s room looking at the sleeping figure, so small and pale, wired up to monitors and drips with an oxygen mask over his face.  
The doctors would only let one of them go in. “You go in Nino, we’ll wait here.” Jun said.  
Nino turned and looked at them. “I’ll give him your love OK” he said quietly and slipped inside.  
Ohno was still restless despite the powerful sedative flowing though his body, his hands trying to remove the mask over his face but unable to complete the action. Nino crouched by the bed and took hold of the older man’s hand. His fingers were so thin and his skin stretched and transparent, so fragile that Nino was afraid he’d break them.  
“Hey Oh-chan” he whispered softly “ Hey……” He didn’t really know what to say. “It’s OK Oh-chan, you’re OK. You’re going to be fine. Just rest ne? Whatever is wrong we’ll fight it ne? You and me and all of us, we’ll fight together until you are well ne?”  
Ohno stilled his movements and sighed. He seemed to relax as Nino spoke to him, calming and settling as the younger man whispered comforts in his ear, his hand gently squeezing Nino’s then slipping into a peaceful sleep.

 

“It would seem that there is no medical reason why Ohno-san has lost so much weight”  
It had been three days since Ohno had been rushed into hospital and the doctor was talking to Ohno’s mother and the other 4 members of Arashi.  
“We feel there may be a psychological reason and he is deliberately starving himself. Has he been under particular stress recently? Has something happened that could have triggered this? Has he been overworking? Is he being put under pressure to lose weight or go on a diet?”  
The four men exchanged looks. “We’re preparing for a series of concerts” Jun explained “But we’ve done this before, we all get stressed to a certain degree and I don’t think he’s been worrying about it more than usual. As far as dieting is concerned Johnny-san is very particular about the health and fitness of the agency members – if he wanted any of us to diet it would be strictly under medical supervision. Have you spoken to his manager? He might have spoken to her about any problems he was having.”  
“Something has been bothering him though” Nino spoke up after a pause. “He normally talks to me about what’s worrying him but recently he’s been avoiding us all. I know something has been on his mind though. The night he collapsed we………” Nino swallowed “we were arguing. I knew something was wrong and I’d gone to talk to him, to try and help him. He kept saying that I wouldn’t understand. He said I couldn’t understand, that we weren’t the ones in trouble”  
“What kind of trouble?” the doctor asked.  
“He didn’t say, he collapsed just after”  
“OK thank you” the doctor stood up. “We are trying to get him to talk to our counsellors but he seems very reluctant to open up as to why he can’t or won’t eat.” he said. “I’ll talk to his manager, see if she knows anything more. In the meantime we will try and get him to eat, we cannot discharge him until he has gained some weight.”

Later that afternoon they were sitting in their green room when Ohno’s manager came in.  
“Ah good, you are all here. I have a message from Ohno-san. He said he doesn’t want to see any of you. Please do not visit or call, just leave him alone. He has had enough”  
“What the hell……….!” Nino jumped up “What the hell does that mean?”  
“It means he’s had enough of you interfering and doesn’t want to see you! Look, I’m just delivering the message. I have to get back to work, please excuse me”  
“I’m not accepting this!” Nino shouted “I’m going to see him!”  
“Nino wait!” Sho said as Nino picked up his bag and made to leave the room “Maybe he needs some time to sort out what’s wrong. Let’s give him a bit of space, let the doctors and counsellors do their work”  
“I’m not happy about this” Nino slumped back into his seat “But if he doesn’t change his mind soon I’m going to see him regardless of whether he wants me to or not!”

Early the following morning Nino was awoken by the sound of his phone ringing. He’d stayed up most of the night gaming, trying to block his feelings of anger towards Ohno for saying he didn’t want to see them, to see him. He knew how much calmer he’d been while holding Nino’s hand and he couldn’t reconcile that with him saying he didn’t want to see him.  
He picked up his phone. It was his manager.  
“This had better be good” he snapped “I’m supposed to have the morning off!”  
“You’ve been called to a meeting with Johnny-san” his manager said “The four of you. I’m waiting outside.”  
Nino sat there stunned for a moment then his heart stopped. “Oh my God…Oh-chan!”

 

When they were shown into the meeting room the first thing they saw was Ohno’s mother. She was sat next to Johnny-san, looking pale and tired. Johnny-san was holding her hand.  
They bowed low. Nino could hardly stand, he was shaking so much. Jun and Sho grabbed his hands and held them, Aiba holding onto Sho’s hand just as tightly. They sat, hearts beating so fast, afraid of what they were going to hear.  
Johnny-san looked at Ohno’s mother and she looked at them and spoke.  
“Satoshi tried to kill himself last night”  
Nino’s heart stopped. He didn’t know what to do, to say.  
“He didn’t succeed, mercifully. ” she said  
They all let out the collective breath they didn’t realise they were holding.  
“He’s lost a lot of blood but thankfully he was found before it was too late. He then finally broke down and told us what has been happening.”  
She looked at Johnny and he continued, his voice angrier than any of them had ever heard it before.  
“It would seem that his manager has been bullying him.” He said. “Manipulating him and nearly destroying him. Telling him that he was fat and useless, that he didn’t belong in Arashi. Telling him that I was going to sack him, that you had told me that you wanted him to leave, that he was a liability and that you would be happier as a 4 without him. The final straw came last night when she told him that you had said you no longer wanted to see him, that you were better off without him, that him ending up in hospital just proved that he was the liability that you had said he was. It’s been going on for months.”  
“Why the hell didn’t he say anything!” Nino exploded. “Why the hell didn’t he talk to us, to me?”  
Ohno’s mother came over and knelt in front of him, brushing his tears away with a gentle hand. He hadn’t even realised he’d been crying.  
“Satoshi has always felt that he was not good enough to keep up with you all, she just kept feeding his insecurities.” She said softly. “She had got so far into his mind that he didn’t know who or what to trust anymore. She kept telling him you all wanted him to leave. She would deliberately tell him the wrong time to be at a meeting and then when he arrived late she would tell him off. She would let him ‘overhear’ supposed phone calls to Johhny-san saying that he wasn’t pulling his weight, that everyone was complaining about him. He didn’t know what was true anymore and he felt he was loosing his mind. She would tell him he was overweight and needed to be thinner and fitter to keep up with you. She told him he couldn’t work on his art or go fishing as he needed to work harder on his work if he stood any chance of being good enough. He couldn’t eat or sleep and she kept on and on at him all the time until……..” she couldn’t go on.  
Sho got to his feet, Jun wasn’t far behind. “Where the hell is she?” Sho’s voice was cold and very calm. “Where is the bitch? I am going to kill her with my bare hands”  
“Not if I get to her first” Jun spat out.  
“The police arrested her this morning” Johnny said. “She will not be seeing anything but prison walls for quite some time.”  
Aiba hadn’t spoken, he just sat with Nino, arms around the younger man who seemed overwhelmed by it all.  
“Why?” he finally asked “Why did she pick on Ohno-kun? What on earth could he have done to make her hate him so much? To make her do this?”  
“She didn’t hate him, she hated me.” Johnny said with a grimace. “She wanted to destroy me. She thought that by destroying the most popular idol group in Japan, by causing a massive scandal about one of its member’s breakdown and suicide I’d be out of business. She just picked Ohno-san because she thought he would be the easiest target.”  
There was silence for a little while as everyone tried to take in what had happened, how close they had come to loosing Ohno, to loosing Arashi.

 

Ohno was still very thin when they allowed him to leave the hospital a week later. He still wasn’t eating much. The doctors had given him a list of what he should eat each day but he was finding it very hard to eat as much as they wanted him to.  
His mother wanted him to go home to the family house but he knew he needed to go to his own apartment to get better. His mother would only fuss and worry over him and he didn’t want to be any more of a burden than he already was – he’d caused her enough worry over the last week or so.  
Plus at some point he had to start work again, and face his bandmates – if they still wanted him. He had seen the other 4 when they had visited him in hospital the day after his attempt to end his life. They had all been upset and had assured him they just wanted him to get better and come back to Arashi as soon as possible but he still wondered if they were just saying that because of what he had done and now they had had time to reflect a little whether they really did want him back. He had been told by the doctors, the counsellors and even Johnny-san himself that it was his manager who had twisted his mind and manipulated him into his breakdown but he still felt deep down that what she had said was the truth. He still didn’t trust himself to think anything else.  
The agency had given him some time off to recover. His arm was still heavily bandaged and he still needed to have the stitches removed. Plus, he had a number of appointments with the doctors and counsellors to try and work through what had happened and how he felt, and to try and help him to eat and put on some weight.  
He had just got off the phone with his mother, something he’d been doing every day, when the doorbell rang.  
He didn’t really want to see anyone and wondered if he ignored it they would go away. The bell rang again.  
“Hai, Hai, I’m coming” he called.  
He looked at the door monitor, and was surprised to see his bandmates outside. He was not expecting to see them and immediately began to worry about what they might want. He quickly opened the door to let them in.  
The four men entered the apartment, Aiba was carrying a box and Jun had 2 bags of groceries in his hands. Jun made his way straight into Ohno’s kitchen.  
“What are you guys doing here?” he asked as Nino made himself at home on the sofa and Sho and Aiba started to set up something on his DVD player.  
“Have you eaten?” Jun asked  
“Yes” Ohno answered, not telling him that actually all he had eaten that day was a small bowl of soup.  
“But not as much as you should.” Jun replied. Ohno didn’t say anything but he could see that Jun knew, he dropped his head in shame.  
“Well don’t worry, we haven’t eaten yet so I’m going to prepare something for us and you can eat some too” he said unpacking the bags. Soon there were delicious smells coming from the kitchen and even Ohno’s mouth started to water despite how much he was confused and worried as to why the others were here.  
“What is going on?” Ohno asked.  
“We wanted to spend some time with you, we have something we want to tell you.” Sho said.  
Ohno started to shake. “It’s OK guys. You don’t have to say anything. I understand if you don’t want me to come back – I know what you said in the hospital was just a reaction to what I had done. I don’t want you to feel guilty….”  
“NO, it’s nothing like that!” Sho interrupted him. “We want you back, we are not Arashi without you!”  
“We want you to know how much you mean to us – we know you don’t believe us so we want to show you something that we hope will convince you of what you mean to us!”  
“But first, food” Jun said.  
“Good” Nino piped up from his spot on the sofa “I’m starving!”  
“Well come and help then, brat!” Jun called. “You’ve done nothing so far – come and get the plates and things while Aiba and Sho sort out the table. Ohno-kun, sit down and don’t worry.”  
Soon everything was laid out and they all started to eat. Ohno was still unsure but he made an effort to eat some of the food that Jun had made.  
Once everyone had eaten, Ohno started to get worried again. Nino came and sat next to him on the sofa. He put his head on the older man’s shoulder and took his hand. The others were in Ohno’s kitchen washing the dishes and the hum of their conversation was loud enough to give them some privacy.  
“How’s your arm?” Nino said in a low voice “Please don’t ever do anything like that again – you scared me so much. If you ever, ever feel like doing something like that again, you ring me OK? I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night, if I’m filming or gaming, you ring me. Don’t ever think that you are alone. You ring me, or Sho or Jun or Aiba….You talk to us – we will always be there for you, just like you are always there for us. OK?”  
“I’m really sorry” Ohno whispered, tears in his eyes.  
“Promise me you will talk to us, to me?”  
“I promise. Thank you”  
The other three came in from the Kitchen, Jun carrying a tray of drinks.  
They sat around and Sho picked up the remote for Ohno’s DVD player.  
“We know you still feel bad about everything and we want to tell you how much you mean to us but we know you won’t believe us so we thought we’d show you” Sho said as he switched everything on.  
The video started playing. There were clips from concerts, game shows, even rehearsals. Things that Ohno didn’t even know had been recorded – him helping Sho with some difficult choreograpy, giving him a massive smile and a high five’ when he finally got it right; Encouraging Aiba when he cried over something; calming Nino and Jun when they started to get snappy with each other over something, lots of different clips where Ohno was being their leader, bringing them together, being there for them.  
When the video finished Ohno looked at the other four with tears in his eyes.  
“i……….I don’t know what to say….”  
“You don’t have to say anything, you are our leader, whether you like it or not” Sho said “We are not Arashi without you – don’t ever think that you don’t deserve to be here, we need you”  
Aiba then gave him the box that he had brought with him. Ohno opened it, hands shaking. It was a small music box. It had a small light in the middle and 4 arms extending out with crystals at the ends. Ohno switched it on. The light came on and the arms began to turn – the music started, their first single ‘Arashi’ playing with a tinkly sound.  
Ohno was confused.  
“I made it for you” said Aiba. “The four of us are the stones and you are the light” Ohno still didn’t understand. The crystals were sparkling in the light sending out different colours, they were beautiful. The light in the middle was doing nothing. Just like him he thought – not needed, the crystals were beautiful , they shone with a brilliance that was almost blinding.  
“I know you think that the crystals are beautiful and that the light is nothing don’t you?” Ohno looked at Aiba, blushing, he’d been thinking that exactly.  
“But it’s not true.” Aiba flicked the switch and the crystals stopped moving. “The crystals need the light to make them beautiful. Without the light they are nothing, just stones, whereas the light will shine whether the crystals are there or not. Just like you. You are the light, you make us shine, without you we are nothing. But you, you will shine whether we are there or not.”  
“Do you get it Leader? You are the one who makes us whole – we cannot be without you, because we are nothing without you. Don’t ever think that you don’t belong in Arashi – without you there is no Arashi.” Jun added.  
Ohno didn’t know what to say. He sat there with tears streaming down his face. He looked at the others. He could see they were telling the truth, that they needed him and he realised just how much damage his former manager had done.  
“I’m so sorry” he sobbed. “I should have trusted you and not believed what she was telling me. Thank you for not giving up on me.”  
The other four all put their arms around Ohno.  
“There is nothing to forgive. You are our Leader and we love you” Aiba said with tears in his eyes. The others nodded.  
“Well, now we’ve finished with the sappy bit, I think it’s time for beers and Mario Kart! You’ve still got to beat me Ohchan” Nino stated with his usual bratty smirk.  
They all laughed.  
Half an hour later Ohno looked around at his four bandmates, laughing and joking while playing Mario and he knew, knew with all his heart that this was where he belonged.


End file.
